When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Randomize
