Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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