I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
operation have a gay friend backfired
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Randomize
