I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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