guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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