***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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