Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
