You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
