a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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