i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
