I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
