I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
