I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
