you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
