Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
