when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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