This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
im holly from the hills drunk
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize