Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize