Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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