im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Say something about gay babies.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
