My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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