I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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