You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
