Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
pop tarts are not kleenex
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
