He uses pillows to masturbate.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Randomize
