She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
