I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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