He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
