This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
