how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
