We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
soo... how was my night?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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