Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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