I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
