Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
