you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
