whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
