Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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