I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
