he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
