Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
