I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
