Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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