What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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