I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
