it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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