This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
