i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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