peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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