Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
