I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
