this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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