Just fell off a train. Bad.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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