were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize