so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
