I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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