so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
