So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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