The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
