just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I am spending my child support on dildos
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
