Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Couch. On fire.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
