OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
