The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
We have started to decorate penises.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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