So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize