Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
