I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Someone shattered a urinal.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
