stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
