she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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