watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
