Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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