her vagine was all disorganized.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
